Our story so far (long for those who already know this) – Part 1

Alright, so now you know the news, here’s how we got to where we are now.  Ok, well, we can skip that part.

Rewind to January 1.  According to the calendar and my calculations, I was supposed to ovulate.  Now, I’m not one of those women who can tell when they’re ovulating – mittelschmerz and all that.  That day was different though.  I was really quite dizzy and having bizarre emotional outbursts all day.  (Yeah, I cried when I heard the Disneyland band, ok?!  You got a problem with that!?)  Anyway, me: “ooh, hmmm.  Mom, hey mom, do ya think??”  Mom: *head explodes*

A few days a week or two later (no idea what day it was,) I had a super super vivid dream that I’d taken a pregnancy test and it came out positive (”Hey mom, ya think?” *head explodes*.)  So, of course, I ran to CVS and picked one up.  A two-pack, in fact.  First test – negative.  Hmmm… too early?  Maybe?  Bah.  So I wait.  Time.  Really.  Is.  Relative.  SOOOO slow.  *sigh*  Gah!  Finally.  I’m supposed to get my period.  Ladies, you know, don’t you.  You can tell when you’re maybe 24 hours out.  I could tell.  I wasn’t.

So now I tell myself – ok, tomorrow morning (that’s the best time to test) when I get up and do my usual early morning voiding.  Sleep.  Wake up at my usual time, an hour before it’s time to get up (I freakin’ hate that) which translates to – ready? – 4:30am.  So what do I do?  I pee on the stick at 4:30am.  Mind you, I pretty  much am still asleep when I get into the bathroom.  Perform necessary preparations and gyrations.  Pee.  Wait.  Wait.  Wait.  (Time = relative, remember?)

Are you still with me by the way?  I know this is long.  We’re about halfway there.  Just kidding – a third, maybe.

Oh right!  Ok, so it’s time.  Look.  Look again.  Are you seeing this?  Rub eyes.  Look again.  Oh holy shit!  Oh!  OOH!  Oh oh oh!!  Oh man, 4:30.  I gotta tell Mark.  Damn, it’s early.  Maybe I’ll let him sleep another hour.  So I crawl back in to bed… and shortly thereafter my skin follows me.  No, don’t laugh.  Stop it.  Quit giggling.  Oh shit, now you did it, he’s awake!

Needless to say, at that point, I couldn’t NOT tell him.  Of course he is happy!  Of course he is scared!  (He may deny that, but hell, I was scared.)

Me: “Hey Mom, guess what.  Yeah, I took the test.  Yeah, uh huh, positive, yep!”  Mom: *head explodes*  (Poor Mom, she doesn’t do too well in this story, does she?)  Needless to say, my fam, Mark’s fam, all very excited!

So anyway,  that’s our funny story.  Ok, I think it’s funny.  If you don’t well, it’ll be like that time Sunita recommended I watch “Napoleon Dynamite.”  I went in to work, or emailed her, or called her, or something the next day and said “I’ll NEVER get that time back.  I think you owe me.”  If you’re having those thoughts, that’s just too bad.  I know you’re gonna go read Part 2 anyway.  And no, I won’t give you that time back, either.